If Only For One Day...
I could hear your laughter again.
I could smell your hair.
I could see your smile.
I could feel your warmth...
You could see the fine young men your grandsons are growing into.
You could once again hold Dad’s hand.
You could see what we have built.
You could hold me tightly...
We lost you nine years ago this December, with only fifteen weeks to say goodbye. It went by in a heartbeat. My heart broke, and I am still broken. I have learned to live with it.
I am angry. I am angry that you aren’t here. I am angry that I have to figure out all this Mom and entrepreneur stuff without your expertise and experience. Mostly I am angry that I feel so alone inside. You are the one thing I want and can’t have.
I work hard to stay positive and be grateful, your biggest gift to me. But sometimes, on days like today, when my heart is heavy, and the tears won’t stop flowing I have to admit that life can deal you an absolute shit hand. And there isn’t anything you can do about it.
To all those of you out there who have lost someone, I understand. Appreciate those closest to you. Enjoy the bad with the good. Family is family. No one can replace them, no matter how crazy they drive you.
I know how much you love me Mom, how proud you are of me, and I hope you know how much I love you too. I would trade everything to see you again, if only for one day...